Today we celebrated at WUMC with Youth Sunday. This Sunday featured my good friend, and "brother from a different mother" Jeff Snow as the speaker giving the devotion. Or, so I thought. As usual I worried about the form and function of the service and the experience, the order of service, how it would be received, starting on time, and etc. Somehow I seemed to miss the key thing, worship! I was missing until Gabbi got up to sing.
In almost an instant she was singing "Take me to the King," and I was proud. My chest was swelled and I was taken away into the thought of being in front of my king. Suddenly, I started to notice that she was tearing up. I tried to smile and to comfort her from where I sat, but the tears started. I thought I was proud before then, but I was moved to tears and beaming with pride afterwards. Gabbi pushed past her fears and her tears and caused nearly a whole church to celebrate the Spirit and power of God working in her. Trish and I both agree that God placed his Spirit on her and she showed a tremendous amount of courage. With each tear and each note, I cried tears of joy, tears of pride in her and all the girls, and tears of thanksgiving for God who was at work.
From Gabbi's song, the Spirit moved in the youth. One by one they shared testimonies. Not adult type, practiced and rehearsed and stiff testimonies. Not the rote and memorized stuff. No, this stuff was real. From a child proclaiming how God saved her and redeemed her after a brutal rape, to another child proclaiming that she had seen God b/c she was able to see herself as someone who could be loved. One after another proclaimed God's glory in the sweet and tears of working in the summer heat for someone that didn't know. One after another they told stories of hurt and pain turned into triumph. I cried. I think we all cried.
I cried b/c of the pain I heard in voices that were never meant to know such pain. I cried b/c of the suffering I heard told of houses broken down on the ground, and children who pray for God's people to come help them - and hold out hope for years until we come. I cried b/c of the sadness in voices that encountered unspeakable hurts. I cried b/c there were stories of children who were so lost and afraid that they were thinking of killing themselves. I cried b/c of the reality that somewhere, right now, someone will kill themselves. I cried b/c I realized that my sin, my anger, my apathy, my neglect contributes heavily to all these hurts and pains and suffering that came out of the voices of these youth. I cried b/c I have so much, yet give so little, do so little and yet expect so much from God and everyone else.
But I also cried today b/c of the joy of knowing that God saves. I cried b/c many of the youth found moments during Salkehatchie were God went from being their parents God, to their Savior and friend. I cried tears of joy b/c someone found God and was found by God. I cried b/c I realized that years ago, God found me just like he found these kids. I cried b/c the Spirit was moving and he opened up a door for us to be real and to realize that we hurt. I cried b/c I heard the truth that God rescues, saves, defends, uplifts, repairs, restores, heals, and loves. I cried b/c a young girl retold the truth that God loves us just the way he created us; wounds, warts, habits and frailties. I cried b/c I was reminded that God loves us so much that he won't just leave us there. I cried realizing that God sends us these voices to remind us of his love, to tell of his truth, to give us comfort at that moment - and peace.
It has been a long time since I have been moved like this. It has been too long since I have cried tears of both joy and sorrow. It has been too long since the last time that I truly thanked God for Jesus, for his love, for his forgiveness and for the power he gives. It has been too long since the fire has been stirred in my belly to be real with God and confess that I too am broken, scared, hurt, abused, ashamed, lonely, wondering, fearful, wounded, and in despair. And it has been too long since I have asked God to lift me up by the power of the cross so that I may be healed, restored, repaired, forgiven, loved, found, in relationship, filled with hope, and on fire in the Spirit.
God, be my God. I speak your promise into my life. Never leave me, never forsake me - be to me my Shepherd, my Rock, my Savior, and my God. Be to me the source of my joy, the reason my tears become tears of joy. Be my all and let me be wholly yours forever - Cassius 08.25.2013.
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