Today we celebrated at WUMC with Youth Sunday. This Sunday featured my good friend, and "brother from a different mother" Jeff Snow as the speaker giving the devotion. Or, so I thought. As usual I worried about the form and function of the service and the experience, the order of service, how it would be received, starting on time, and etc. Somehow I seemed to miss the key thing, worship! I was missing until Gabbi got up to sing.
In almost an instant she was singing "Take me to the King," and I was proud. My chest was swelled and I was taken away into the thought of being in front of my king. Suddenly, I started to notice that she was tearing up. I tried to smile and to comfort her from where I sat, but the tears started. I thought I was proud before then, but I was moved to tears and beaming with pride afterwards. Gabbi pushed past her fears and her tears and caused nearly a whole church to celebrate the Spirit and power of God working in her. Trish and I both agree that God placed his Spirit on her and she showed a tremendous amount of courage. With each tear and each note, I cried tears of joy, tears of pride in her and all the girls, and tears of thanksgiving for God who was at work.
From Gabbi's song, the Spirit moved in the youth. One by one they shared testimonies. Not adult type, practiced and rehearsed and stiff testimonies. Not the rote and memorized stuff. No, this stuff was real. From a child proclaiming how God saved her and redeemed her after a brutal rape, to another child proclaiming that she had seen God b/c she was able to see herself as someone who could be loved. One after another proclaimed God's glory in the sweet and tears of working in the summer heat for someone that didn't know. One after another they told stories of hurt and pain turned into triumph. I cried. I think we all cried.
I cried b/c of the pain I heard in voices that were never meant to know such pain. I cried b/c of the suffering I heard told of houses broken down on the ground, and children who pray for God's people to come help them - and hold out hope for years until we come. I cried b/c of the sadness in voices that encountered unspeakable hurts. I cried b/c there were stories of children who were so lost and afraid that they were thinking of killing themselves. I cried b/c of the reality that somewhere, right now, someone will kill themselves. I cried b/c I realized that my sin, my anger, my apathy, my neglect contributes heavily to all these hurts and pains and suffering that came out of the voices of these youth. I cried b/c I have so much, yet give so little, do so little and yet expect so much from God and everyone else.
But I also cried today b/c of the joy of knowing that God saves. I cried b/c many of the youth found moments during Salkehatchie were God went from being their parents God, to their Savior and friend. I cried tears of joy b/c someone found God and was found by God. I cried b/c I realized that years ago, God found me just like he found these kids. I cried b/c the Spirit was moving and he opened up a door for us to be real and to realize that we hurt. I cried b/c I heard the truth that God rescues, saves, defends, uplifts, repairs, restores, heals, and loves. I cried b/c a young girl retold the truth that God loves us just the way he created us; wounds, warts, habits and frailties. I cried b/c I was reminded that God loves us so much that he won't just leave us there. I cried realizing that God sends us these voices to remind us of his love, to tell of his truth, to give us comfort at that moment - and peace.
It has been a long time since I have been moved like this. It has been too long since I have cried tears of both joy and sorrow. It has been too long since the last time that I truly thanked God for Jesus, for his love, for his forgiveness and for the power he gives. It has been too long since the fire has been stirred in my belly to be real with God and confess that I too am broken, scared, hurt, abused, ashamed, lonely, wondering, fearful, wounded, and in despair. And it has been too long since I have asked God to lift me up by the power of the cross so that I may be healed, restored, repaired, forgiven, loved, found, in relationship, filled with hope, and on fire in the Spirit.
God, be my God. I speak your promise into my life. Never leave me, never forsake me - be to me my Shepherd, my Rock, my Savior, and my God. Be to me the source of my joy, the reason my tears become tears of joy. Be my all and let me be wholly yours forever - Cassius 08.25.2013.
Sunday, August 25, 2013
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
First Day Back...
Wow! A whole summer has come and gone. It seemed like it was only yesterday that school was ending for the year. We were wondering what we were going to do for the summer and how we would pull it all off. Now, I am looking back and wondering where did all the time go. I can't believe that today, 8/20/2013, is the first day back to school. Whoever said to cherish the moments because they go by so quickly was right. These moments fly by! We had a whirlwind summer.
Right after school ended we had the beautiful trip to the mountains with views that were amazing. Within days it seemed like it was already July. We had our June events, like birthday parties for Ava and Grandma, but where did it all go.
In July we had "grandma" camp and fourth of July celebrations. The girls started their summer schedule of library trips, zoo trips and miscellaneous adventures. Many of which, I can't remember. Trish and I had some great dates during the summer and I enjoyed being up early by myself, and then hanging with Emma, Ava, and Paige. Paige and I probably can trace most of July to video games in the early morning and late night. We had Dad's great party for his 70th birthday. Aside from some harsh comments about my weight it was great.
On to August and we could already sense the tension rising as summer was fading away. Some of the girls began a countdown. Paige spent most of her remaining summer days catching up on all her summer reading and trying to squeeze in as many games of Super Smash brothers as possible. Sydney went to "grandma" camp along with Cassarra. Cassarra also had band camp and a host of other social events. Now that I think about it, she probably had the busiest summer of us all.
As the last few days trickled by, we had the flurry of shopping for supplies and the excitement (or lack of excitement) for the coming year. And then today, the first day arrived. Traditionally I take the girls to school on the first day of school. This year we did two trips. First, Sydney and Paige went to DFES. We walked the halls and dropped them off to start a new year. Next, it was the older girls turn. Cassarra and Gabbi were taken to school and dropped off in their lines. Ava and I said goodbye to them as we realized the summer has ended.
I pray that this year will be the best year yet, but not as good as next year. I pray that this year will be filled with learning, and that they will learn more next year and years to come. I pray for their safety, sanity and security and I expect a great day - welcome back to school.
Right after school ended we had the beautiful trip to the mountains with views that were amazing. Within days it seemed like it was already July. We had our June events, like birthday parties for Ava and Grandma, but where did it all go.
In July we had "grandma" camp and fourth of July celebrations. The girls started their summer schedule of library trips, zoo trips and miscellaneous adventures. Many of which, I can't remember. Trish and I had some great dates during the summer and I enjoyed being up early by myself, and then hanging with Emma, Ava, and Paige. Paige and I probably can trace most of July to video games in the early morning and late night. We had Dad's great party for his 70th birthday. Aside from some harsh comments about my weight it was great.
On to August and we could already sense the tension rising as summer was fading away. Some of the girls began a countdown. Paige spent most of her remaining summer days catching up on all her summer reading and trying to squeeze in as many games of Super Smash brothers as possible. Sydney went to "grandma" camp along with Cassarra. Cassarra also had band camp and a host of other social events. Now that I think about it, she probably had the busiest summer of us all.
As the last few days trickled by, we had the flurry of shopping for supplies and the excitement (or lack of excitement) for the coming year. And then today, the first day arrived. Traditionally I take the girls to school on the first day of school. This year we did two trips. First, Sydney and Paige went to DFES. We walked the halls and dropped them off to start a new year. Next, it was the older girls turn. Cassarra and Gabbi were taken to school and dropped off in their lines. Ava and I said goodbye to them as we realized the summer has ended.
I pray that this year will be the best year yet, but not as good as next year. I pray that this year will be filled with learning, and that they will learn more next year and years to come. I pray for their safety, sanity and security and I expect a great day - welcome back to school.
Thursday, August 8, 2013
Moments like these
A couple of weeks ago, maybe a week ago, I was up earlier than usual and earlier than I wanted to be. The sound of our newest family member was ringing out from the crib and I decided to proatively prepare for her feeding. I went downstairs and fixed a bottle while praying that she might go back to sleep. However, Emma decided that she was not going to sleep, but instead she was going to eat an early breakfast or an early morning snack.
As I sat feeding her, this moment of fatigue turned into a very special and tender moment. She ate just a little bit at first. Not really doing a whole lot with the bottle except moving it from side to side in her mouth. As she fussed with the bottle, I began reading from my Bible that I brought upstairs. After about 10 minutes or so, Emma had calmed down and began to drink her milk. After another 10 minutes she had fallen back to sleep with a smile on her face.
Just as I was getting ready to lay her back down, she seemed to grab on to my shoulder and my shirt and lay her head on my chest. Her little face was bright and she appeared to be smiling and quite content. It's hard to describe, but it was a moment worth waking up for at 4:30 am. It was a moment that just touched my heart and reminded me that being a dad is awesome.
The truth is these are the moments we live for, moments when a single hug, a smile, or even a kiss take flight and change our whole day for the better.
As I sat feeding her, this moment of fatigue turned into a very special and tender moment. She ate just a little bit at first. Not really doing a whole lot with the bottle except moving it from side to side in her mouth. As she fussed with the bottle, I began reading from my Bible that I brought upstairs. After about 10 minutes or so, Emma had calmed down and began to drink her milk. After another 10 minutes she had fallen back to sleep with a smile on her face.
Just as I was getting ready to lay her back down, she seemed to grab on to my shoulder and my shirt and lay her head on my chest. Her little face was bright and she appeared to be smiling and quite content. It's hard to describe, but it was a moment worth waking up for at 4:30 am. It was a moment that just touched my heart and reminded me that being a dad is awesome.
The truth is these are the moments we live for, moments when a single hug, a smile, or even a kiss take flight and change our whole day for the better.
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